Roses are red, violets are blue, Valentine’s Day is coming, and your boyfriend doesn’t want something poo. Beautiful, right?
With everyone’s favorite ‘’Hallmark holiday’’ approaching faster than ever, we at DrinkUp had a hunch that some awful girlfriends may have definitely forgotten to pick up something for their special someone.
So, this one is for those looking for last-minute Valentine’s gifts for him, cheap Valentine’s Day ideas for him, and all-around funny Valentine’s presents for boyfriends and husbands everywhere!
We didn’t want you to go through the hassle of buying him ‘funny’ socks, or a box of chocolates that you end up eating anyway. So, to help out, we’ve created a special listicle that is filled with hilarious Valentine’s surprise ideas for boyfriends, husbands, or that one guy that you’re desperately chasing!
Ready to get started? Let’s go!
#1 The Wine Condom
Our recommendation
The Wine Condom
Protection for wine lovers!
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Don’t be silly, wrap your… wine bottle? Yep, you heard right!
This is a wine stopper that makes a really funny Valentine’s present for boyfriends and husbands everywhere. Especially if you were to pair it up with a bottle of wine! It’s the ideal last-minute Valentine’s gift for him and will definitely come with a priceless reaction.
This isn’t just a funny gift though, it’s actually also really practical and comes with great functionality. It’s made with shrink to fit technology, and allows you to seal up almost any opened bottle, creating a water-tight and air-tight seal that is fully reusable.
There’s no longer any need to purchase separate bottle stoppers for different sized bottles. This is the all in one solution you have been waiting for. Ok, so maybe you haven’t been waiting for it, but it really is great for storing your opened beverages, wine, and more.
The tight seal keeps oxygen and liquid in, providing the ultimate spill protection while it seals in the freshness. It’s 99.9% effective when it comes to preventing unplanned spills, and 100% effective when it comes to putting a smile on your boyfriend’s face.
#2 Subtle Butt
Our recommendation
Subtle Butt
Looking to take the bad part out of the fart? This is for him!
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Let’s face it, everyone farts, and nobody’s fart smells like the roses your boyfriend probably got you for Valentine’s Day. This is the exact reason why the Subtle Butt makes a really funny Valentine’s present for boyfriends and honestly, all men in general, no matter the occasion, just get him one already!
Sure, you love absolutely everything about your boyfriend, as we all do. But let’s face it, we could definitely do without their smelly toots!
Subtle Butt fart pads are made out of activated carbon fabric, combined with an adhesive to create the most effective fart pad on the market. Yeah, we did say fart pad, grow up!
It comes in a pack of 5, and is used to filter out the odor caused by your ogre. All your boyfriend has to do is stick one in the right place and he will be ready for that terrible chill you always cook him, or that all you can eat Indian buffet you’re definitely planning to take him to on Valentine’s Day.
It’s the perfect men’s Valentine delivery gift to save you once and for all from those late-night farts!
#3 A Smell My Nuts Candle
Our recommendation
A Smell My Nuts Candle
The ultimate way to smell his nuts.
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This ‘’Smell My Nuts’’ candle is a great way for you to get some payback, and is truly a hilarious men’s Valentine’s delivery gift.
First things first, the name. Seriously, any company that has this kind of humor with their products is definitely the kind of company most people should give their business to. But it’s not just a gimmick! In fact, it has an incredible banana bread, toasted coconut, and hazelnut scent that just fills the room!
This candle will be a great addition to your husband’s or boyfriend’s man cave, and even has the possibility to fill up the whole house with such a luscious smell.
#4 A Bouquet of Salami
Our recommendation
Bouquet of Salami
A sausage fest in a bouquet form!
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Looking for a way to spice up Valentine’s Day? No, not like that, you sicko!
Seriously though, look no further than this last-minute Valentine’s gift for him. This assortment of delicious meats is definitely going to ‘cure’ any V-day blues! With this Valentine’s surprise idea for boyfriends and husbands, you will never have to sacrifice the beauty of flowers again. Each bouquet comes with six carefully wrapped pieces of:
- Cacciatore
- Chorizo Rioja
- Loukanika
- Saucisson Sec
- Salami Nola
- Saucisson D’Alsace
There’s nothing more to be said about this delicious meat, it’s all very simple – show off, arrange, and eat!
#5 Tortilla Blanket
Our recommendation
Tortilla Blanket
Ever heard the phrase »wrap him up warm like a Tortilla»? Nah, neither have we, mainly because we just made it up – but now you can!
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This one is just too realistic! It looks, smells, and even feels like a real tortilla. Once your boyfriend wraps himself in it, he will be fully convinced that he is a burrito. Trust us, you will beg him to snap back to reality, but he will be too far gone into burrito-dom.
Ok so maybe we’re exaggerating a little, but this really is a hilarious gift! Its high-quality texture allows it to not be pixelated, and its sharp image doesn’t get ruined by wrinkles. On top of that, it’s so warm, and you’ll definitely be able to steal it off him!
#6 A Floral Penis Mug
Our recommendation
A Floral Penis Mug
It’s not always what it seems.
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If you’re looking to surprise your boyfriend with a new mug, then this is definitely the perfect choice. It’s nice, flowery, and by the time they notice all of the genitalia, it will be too late. So deliciously evil, especially if they walk around the house with it for a while without noticing!
It’s 11 ounces of wrap-around floral penis print, making sure that they’re able to enjoy their favorite beverage alongside a beautiful display of blossoming weenies. Please don’t forget to take plenty of photos!
#7 I Love the Crap Outta You!
Our recommendation
I Love the Crap Outta You!
Wipe his butt in style – no we don’t mean you.
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Let’s face it, we girls really do give our boyfriends a lot of crap. So, what better way to say thank you than this toilet paper roll that does it for you?
This romantic toilet paper is printed on Georgia Pacific 2-ply TP, and the entire roll is printed using soy-based ink. Of course, its intended use is to be a funny Valentine’s present for boyfriends and husbands, but they can also use it to wipe their butt.
If you want to get a really good laugh, switch out the toilet paper the night before and let your man be surprised when he visits the bathroom in the morning! It’s hilarious, endearing, and shows that you give a crap about him, even in the ~crappiest~ of times.
#8 Beard Lube
Our recommendation
Beard Lube
Step right up and get his face lube!
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He may think that this is sexy, but in actual fact, it really is just an amazing face moisturizer made with jojoba oil and eucalyptus to keep your man’s face smooth and razor bump-free.
This one is definitely a great men’s Valentine’s delivery gift, especially if he’s a ‘manly-man’ and doesn’t believe in skincare. It’s a translucent 3-in-1 formula that functions as a pre-shave oil, shave cream, and an after-shave conditioner to soften facial hair for a smooth, pain-free shave.
Many reviews state that the super-light formula doesn’t clog blades, rinses easily, and allows men to navigate around sideburns, beards, and moustaches easily. This Valentine’s surprise idea for boyfriends and husbands will allow them to enjoy a smooth, effortless glide with a soothing and hydrating formula that’s rich in nourishing fatty acids and phospholipids.
#9 Customizable Cushion
Our recommendation
Customizable Cushion
Don’t ever let him forget about you, not even for a second.
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This super cheap Valentine’s Day idea for him is the perfect way to say I love you. It’s romantic, one-of-a-kind, and pretty obsessive too. But who cares? He’s your man, and if you say he has to sleep with a pillow that has your face plastered on it, then he has to!
Before the keyboard warriors start jumping out, we’re just kidding. Boys have rights too…
Anyway, this cushion really is a funny valentine’s present for boyfriends, and even great for husbands too! Let them ‘face’ the facts that you’re super good looking, and enjoy sleeping on your pretty face every single night.
#10 Personalized Boxers
Our recommendation
Personalized Boxers
When we said don’t let him forget about you, we meant it!
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If the pillow wasn’t obsessive enough for you, then why not take it a crazy step further and surprise him with personalized underwear? They’re super comfy, and super hilarious! Each brief is individually printed with your face plastered all over it. The perfect way to show you off wherever they go.
Don’t forget to yank his pants down in front of everyone, and as a bonus, even act shocked and pretend you don’t know about the fact that he has your face all over his underwear!